Work, children, looking after the home and the demands of friends and family can mean that many couples don't leave themselves much time to look after their relationship. Taking just a few simple steps could bring you closer and also rev up your sex life, says relationship counsellor and life coach Louise Van der Velde – also known as Trisha Goddard's Pleasure Professor.

Time for you
She believes that in order to improve your relationship it is vital you find time for yourself as well as for your partner.

'Spend an hour or two a week doing something that you love - whether this is painting, exercising, going for a walk or just reading a book,' suggests Louise. 'If you have no energy within yourself you have none to give your partner.'

'Once you have found time for yourself, I advise couples to put aside an hour each week – or preferably two – for a tantric date. The aim of this is not sex but time to connect spiritually.'

The five senses
'Each week one person pampers the other, stimulating all five senses. Prepare a room – not the bedroom which should be reserved for sleep – with some candles, some cushions and some music.'

'You might want to blindfold your partner as this heightens the senses. Feed them fruit or chocolate sauce, all the time explaining what you are doing and keeping a reassuring hand on them. Play some music or sing. Waft some aromatherapy oils under their nose – something sensual such as jasmine or ylang ylang. Touch them – either with your own body or feathers, fur or leather – and follow this with a full body massage. Then take off the blindfold to reveal something interesting you have prepared for their sense of sight – this could be some artwork, some fantastic food or it you in some special underwear.'

'If sex is the natural progression, that's fine – but it isn't the aim. Then next week – swap over. This is a really good way to connect sensually.'

Love strategy
Louise says it is very important to understand your partner's love strategy. Ask them what makes them feel loved – being taken places and bought things, hearing special words said in a special way or being touched in certain places.

'At the beginning of a relationship, all three are usually covered so the issue doesn't arise. But a lack of communication can lead to people feeling unloved further down the line. A man might tell his partner he loves her often – as he might be someone who likes to hear this - while she might be the type that needs to be bought little presents to feel loved. All you have to do is ask!'

Louise emphasises the importance of looking after your diet and taking some exercise. 'If you are very busy it is sometimes difficult to eat properly all the time, however good your intentions, so try to eat 'superfoods' which provide you with lots of nutrients. Adding something like green barley grass to some juice in the morning can really increase your energy levels and libido. And sauerkraut is a great if surprising aphrodisiac as it is so packed with nutrients!'

Get out more
Get outside and go for a walk with your partner. 'Try to do healthy things together. By all means go to parties together too but getting out into nature is really energising.'

Louise stresses the importance of dealing with any issues you have. She believes many problems people feel they have in their relationships are actually problems they have with themselves – feeling unfulfilled at work or an unresolved issue from the past. 'If you think about a past event and it still makes you feel angry or upset, then you haven't let go of it and need to resolve it through therapy. Therapy is not just for people who have been through deep crises.'

Mum of one Sharon Turley, 42, felt that the spark had gone out of her relationship and so decided to take the plunge and seek help. Now she's revved up her sex life by following Louise's advice. She said:

'To begin with, staring into Paul's eyes by candlelight or sitting there just stroking him had me in fits of laughter but eventually we relaxed into it. Now sex is no longer a race to the finish line – it's much more special and we take our time.'

'I don't worry about hairy legs or cellulite anymore as I've realised that looking good comes from inner confidence – and now I've got that by the bucketload.'

Louise runs courses and employs a seven step Transformation Therapy to allow individuals and couples to let go of any issues and improve their relationship and sex life. For more information visit www.pleasure-professor.com

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