This month we've joined forces with relationship counsellor Gwen Cawse to tackle some of the common passion pitfalls that we need to avoid to keep those flames of desire burning.

Lack of communication

Ultimately, most relationship problems stem from lack of communication and fear of or difficulty with intimacy. If a couple doesn't take time to talk to each other and discuss what is on their minds then issues go unresolved and this can push a couple apart and create feelings of anger, loneliness or resentment.

Solution: Gwen recommends her clients to talk, talk, talk and then, talk some more. This can be easier said than done because it's not something we are taught to do but it's fundamental to all relationships. Set a timer for five minutes while one partner speaks and the other listens, without interrupting, and then switch.

Be sure to tell your partner how you feel without pointing the finger otherwise it will end in another argument. Communicating like this might make you feel awkward or uncomfortable at first, but it will get easier over time.

Kids, husband, work, money worries, groceries, cleaning, wobbly thighs… there's always something that we women seem to be worrying about or things that we have to remember to do in our time starved lives. It's no wonder that by the time we hit the sack all we're ready for is a couple of pages of escapism before drifting off.

Solution: Just because your sex life was amazing at the start of the relationship, doesn't mean to say that now it's dwindled there's a big problem, or that you are with the wrong partner. It also doesn't mean that a bad sex life can fix itself – it can't.

Each partner must take responsibility for their own sexual fulfilment and so it's important to make it a priority,' advises Gwen. 'If you're fed up with the routine of your sex life, change it. Discuss with each other what you would like and share your thoughts and fantasies. Just seeing that you both want to rekindle the passion is enough to make you start feeling sexy!'

Remember, if you feel your sex life is a problem, you need to communicate to stop it getting worse.

Unresolved issues and problematic patterns

If you and your partner find the same issues cropping up during arguments, then it's likely that one or both of you have brought unresolved issues from childhood into your relationship. Common problem areas are anger, sex, separation, money, and too little or too hard discipline, and unless these have been recognised and dealt with while growing up, it is likely they will manifest themselves in your adult relationship.

Solution: Gwen says: 'As a couple, we need to know and be aware of what belongs to our relationship in the "here and now" and what is being acted out from childhood. Recognise this and you can move forward with help.'

Work/life balance

We seem to have every time-saving gadget possible available to us in today's modern world, yet many counsellors will tell you that often couples are having problems because they are not making enough time for each other.

Solution: Don't just let your relationship stagnate on the back burner while you get on with the other areas of your life. Invest some quality time with each other and you'll see how much things will improve. Gwen says 'make one night a week 'date night' and whether you go out, or stay at home, make love, talk or just listen to music, make sure it's just about the two of you'.

Another important point is to recognise and accept that there will be stages in your lives when you will naturally be spending less time with each other, such as the birth of a child, a parent's illness or a new more demanding job. You might not be able to change these circumstances, but as long as you try and fit in a few hours every week or so just to be together, you will keep that closeness that is so vital.

Me-time

Just as it's important to have time together, it's also important to have some time apart where you are doing something for yourself other than working, looking after the children or anything that involves responsibility. Feeling that you have no free time to pursue your own hobbies or interests can cause friction at home.

Solution: Going out with girlfriends, being part of a book club or learning a new skill all give you something to look forward to which prevents boredom and gives you and your partner something different to talk about. Encourage your partner to spend time on his hobbies too so that you both feel fulfilled and neither one of you resents the time you spend apart.

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