If sorry seems to be the hardest word, no must be a pretty close second. We often think it and mean it – but struggle to actually say it. 'Yes, of course I'll organise the after-school club... take on that extra work project... have the world and his dog round for Christmas dinner…' Sound familiar?

Saying yes is surprisingly easy. In fact, it can slip out when we're thinking the exact opposite. Yet we'd rather stress ourselves silly - trying to find the time and energy to squeeze everything in - than actually admit defeat. The fact is, we're not Wonderwoman and it's perfectly acceptable to say 'no' from time to time.

Keeping up appearances

The idea of the independent 21st-century woman who can have it all has a lot to answer for. 'We want to do all these things; be a good career woman, mother, wife, friend, daughter, sister… and we feel embarrassed to turn things down,' explains psychotherapist and life coach, Christine Webber. 'Women today acknowledge that they are advantaged, but we feel we must make the most of everything, and think we're letting ourselves down if we don't.'

But before you know it, you can find yourself juggling several commitments and being pulled in different directions - terrified to let one ball drop. 'We tend to realise we should have said no only when we explode with anger at those closest to us,' says Webber, 'maybe by taking it out on the kids or getting irritable with our other halves.'

Find the time

It can often feel as though you have little time for just you, to take a bath or paint your toenails - let alone to spend quality time with your partner and kids. But Webber says most of us can claw back some time if we take a good look at where we are spending it.

She advises drawing up an hourly chart, writing down what you intend to do in each one-hour segment the following day. 'The next day, draw up a similar chart, and write in what you actually did in each hour. When you compare the two, you may find you're not setting aside time for something important. And it's interesting that a lot of women don't allocate time for essentials like shopping or washing their hair.'

If you can keep this up for two weeks, you'll have a good idea of where you are actually wasting time too. 'It's time to take stock of the areas where you want to spend more time and where you can cut back, and start to prioritise,' adds Webber.

Quality time

Children of working parents often just want them to be there. So Webber says don't worry about finding the time to take them on lots of exciting trips or buy gifts, just be there to answer questions while they're doing homework, let them have friends around for tea or watch a film together.

And it's important not to let the stresses of life take over your relationship with your partner. 'It's vital to make time to keep in touch with each other,' says Webber. 'Maybe get a babysitter once a week and go out on a date, it doesn't have to be pricey, as long as it's an opportunity for just the two of you to be together without distractions.'

Be assertive

Once you've decided what you have and haven't got time for, it should be easier to say 'no' and decline invitations or favours. 'It does take courage but it's easier once you decide it has to be a 'no',' says Webber. 'Be firm, direct and of course, polite. For example, “Unfortunately I just haven't got the time at the moment” or "I'd love to help but I can't on this occasion." Don't feel the need to explain yourself - excuses, even when they're genuine - can come across flustered.'

Once you start you'll feel more in control of your life, and the people close to you will understand your limitations. 'If you haven't got time to go out with a girlfriend, invite her round while you put the kids to bed – if she wants to see you, she'll come.' And it's important to say 'no' as early as possible. 'Don't say "yes" to something and intend to pull out at a later stage; this will annoy people more than saying "no" in the first place,' adds Webber.

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