Around a fifth of parents think cyber-bullying is rare or doesn't happen at all. But it's the same proportion of children who have experienced it. As with all bullying, a lot of children don't own up to it; there's an inherent feeling that they've done something wrong. There's also the worry that you'll block their internet access, though in a recent survey, 25% of children said being able to speak to an expert would help. They also said it would be good to have a dedicated member of staff they could turn to and some website links so they had somewhere to go online.

Be prepared

Whether or not your child feels able to talk to you about a particular incident, prepare them the best way possible by giving them the tools to help. Find out who they can turn to at school and what the school policy is on bullying, and cyber-bullying in particular, and let them know. Maybe kick off the conversation about misuse of the internet and other technology and ask whether they know anyone who's been cyber-bullied. Keep the conversation light and easy, but make it an ongoing, everyday conversation – they'll find it easier to come to you if ever they are in trouble.

Go on cyber-patrol

Internet service providers can help. AOL, for example, has different levels of parental control, allowing you to create a list of permitted email addresses, customise what your children can access and how long they can use email or the internet, among others. Or there's software you install on your PC like the Internet Babysitter, £19.99, which records every single keystroke, but is only accessible via a password – tricky, as it'll show what your husband's bought you for your birthday as well as who sent which email to whom and what they got back as a reply.

Adam Hildreth of Crisp Thinking has created the Child Protection Gateway (CPG), which will be installed by some ISPs in the near future. It records online traffic and provides parents with text or email warnings if the child is at potential risk. There are different levels of security according to the age of the child, so for older children, parents can view the activity that has taken place but not the actual content - unless the child consents.

Adam explains that this 'dual-key' facility will encourage more open communication between parents and their children, providing a level of security without restricting their online freedom. He says: 'It's like looking out over children in a playground. You can see that they're okay, but you're not aware of every single conversation or confrontation.'

Getting advice

Billing themselves as Cyber-911, wiredsafety.org is a US charity that provides help with any issue impacting on the safety and well-being of children and teenagers online.

Tips for kids include:

Stop, block and tell: Don't respond to any bullying message you receive online, block the email address of the sender and tell a trusted adult

Take five: When something upsets you online or by email, walk away from the computer for five minutes rather than responding in a way you might later regret

R-E-S-P-E-C-T: Use good netiquette and think about what you're sending from the recipient's point of view

Keep it private: Don't give out too much information about yourself – the more personal information someone has, the easier it is for them to bully you

It's all about trust

The final word comes from Frank Furedi, Professor of Sociology at the University of Kent. He says: 'What's important is the relationship with your child. To what extent do you trust each other? Children do what we did as children; push boundaries, experiment and escape. They're now doing this online – but there's no real difference. You need to talk to them, point out the pitfalls and the dangers, but treat it as a growing-up experience.'

Useful websites

For you:

www.wiredsafety.org: An American site with lots of useful safety information and helpful advice

www.nch.org.uk: Great FAQs on internet safety – just click on 'Information'

For them:

www.thinkuknow.co.uk: From the people who do, this site explains clearly where children might encounter problems and what they should do about them. There's also a link to report any possible abuse

www.wiredkids.org: Broken down into for different age groups, though they do need to register by snail mail – to the US - for the teen section. They can play games and take quizzes, all designed to help them understand what's going on

Worried about what your children might be getting up to online? Read other parents' stories and find out what you can do to ensure your children stay safe online.

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