I remember the first time I heard my daughter laugh. I was in the middle of changing her nappy, and, as you often find yourself doing mid-change, I was making funny faces at her. I was making a particularly funny face when all of a sudden she made a strange stuttering sound. I stopped. Was that really what I thought it was? I made another face. She made the strange stuttering sound again. It was definitely a giggle. I immediately phoned my wife at work. 'Our daughter has just laughed,' I told her.

My wife's reaction was what I expected. She went silent for a few moments, and then burst into tears. When she recovered a little, she launched into a rant about how it was so unfair that I got to spend so much time with our daughter, and how she was missing out on everything. It was my first taste of parent envy.

We've all felt it at some point. The belief that the other parent has it better.

Who has it better?

My sister is a prime example of this. She's just returned to work after a few years off. She enjoys her new job, it's challenging and a big career leap. Yet, she can't help feeling jealous towards my brother-in-law. He works from home and spends all afternoon with their two sons. My brother-in-law, on the other hand, is jealous of my sister. He's the one who has to stop work to collect the kids from school, and spend the rest of the afternoon trying to entertain them.

During the first few weeks back at work, my sister and brother-in-law had several huge arguments. She felt like my brother-in-law was not doing enough around the house, and he felt like he wasn't getting enough time to concentrate on his work. She was especially annoyed that the boys seemed to have learned so many more TV theme tunes since her return to work.

There is another side of parenting envy. The envy we sometimes feel towards the relationship our children have with the other parent. This can be especially difficult when you're no longer together.

Fun without responsibility

Take my friend Allison. Her ex owns a country house where he sometimes takes their two children, and his girlfriend, on the weekends he has them. She lives in a cramped flat, and when the kids come back on Sunday afternoon they're always gushing about what a good time they've had and all the fun activities they've been able to do outside. Allison can't help feeling that her ex has all the fun of parenting but without any of the responsibilities like trying to get two kids up and out the house on time for school.

What can we do about envy? After all, envy is a toxic waste emotion, it only pollutes.

Role swapping

Envy shows us the diamond, but not the blood and sweat behind it. Both my wife and I have traded roles throughout our parenting lives. I have worked full-time, and she's been at home, and vice-versa. This has given us both an insight of what it's like to be the one going to work and staying at home. Let's face it, work sometimes sucks, just as staying at home can sometimes be mind-numbingly boring. The grass might look greener, but that's only because of the big sign saying no ball games.

We are the grown-ups – we must remember to act the part. During every stage of our children's development they might lean towards one parent or the other. We shouldn't take it personally. They balance will eventually shift back.

One of the worst envies is the envy we have towards other parents. It's easy to look at another family and think how great their lives are. Remember, they are probably looking at you thinking the same thing.

For my part, I never told my wife anything I saw our daughter doing for the first time ever again. This was especially handy when my wife phoned me after seeing our daughter's 'first' tentative steps.

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