Q. My son is 10 and all of a sudden, he seems to have grown up very fast, becoming more independent and shutting me out, which I find very upsetting. He is also due to start secondary school soon and I worry about the different influences he will be exposed to.

A. This can be a difficult time, but whatever your son says or however he acts, he is still very young and can be frightened by the pace of change. With his teenage years just around the corner, it can be a scary time as well as exciting.

He will need your love and support as he works out how to fit in or cope with the changes along the way. And as he changes, so does your role. You are moving away from looking after him physically and protecting him emotionally, becoming more of a helper and guide. Your support will build his confidence in valuing who he is and what he does.

Wanting to spend more and more time with their mates is very common. Boys particularly can become heavily influenced by role models at this age and begin to spend less and less time with their parents. Making friends, losing them, being one of the gang, or just an outsider can be all important to boys and girls. Telling your son that you are there to talk about what is happening with their friends can make a real difference, especially if your child is in despair about a friendship break-up.

Parents worry about such issues as bullying, peer pressure, drugs and alcohol when their children make the transition from primary to secondary school. It is also a difficult time because you won't have the same contact with other parents and teachers as you had at primary school.

It can be a time of really mixed emotions, but there are things you can do to make the experience a more positive one. Encourage your son to talk about any feelings of nervousness and tell him that all children feel nervous when they first go to 'big' school. Start to give your son some responsibility for his own safety.

Where possible, practice the journey with your son a few times beforehand and, when he does start secondary school, make sure he always has emergency money (separate from any other money) in case he forgets his pass, needs alternative transport or has to phone for help. You could also provide him with a phone card if you think it is too early for him to have a mobile phone.

To make links with the school find out more about the school's meetings with parents, and if there is a Parent Teacher Association make contact to find out what events they lay on. Make a point of signing the home school agreement and use the opportunity to ask any questions you have about the new school.

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