Parents say that the teenage years sometimes start long before children actually hit 13 and when children reach ten, they can seem to grow up very fast, shutting out their parents and wanting to spend more time with their friends. Parents report that by the time their children become teenagers they no longer want to talk to them about major issues such as sex, relationships and drugs - believing instead that their teen mates and the media are more influential role models.

The overwhelming message from parents whose children are already teenagers is that if they could turn back the clock, they would see the pre-teen years as a crucial time of influence. Whatever they say or however they look or act, they are still children. They can be frightened by the pace of change and unsure how best to tackle all sorts of new challenges.

Parents can face the delicate balancing act of allowing their children more freedom whilst still needing to protect them and keep them safe, one parents recently told the charity 'I want to protect my child all the time. I want them to be completely safe. But it's no good locking them in at this age.'

Communicating with your child

Good communication between parents and teenagers is key and as parents we must be willing to listen to our children. Teenagers have a job to do, they are busy trying to break away and think and act for themselves. As well as stressing the need to talk openly, parents must be reassured that most children get through the turbulent teenage years, and their parents will too.

Parentline Plus: Top tips for parents by parents

Keep an open mind and listen to their point of view

Change the way you talk to them. If they only ever hear nagging they will stop listening. A chat before they go out or disappear to their room can make a real difference

Decide when to stand firm, when to negotiate, when to let go. Your concerns about drugs and sex are more important than your feelings about the clothes they choose to wear. Your children need to know this

Agree a bottom line with your partner or other carers and keep it

Understand why they may be behaving badly. They may be moody, aggressive or angry because they can't put their worries into words

Don't take it personally. Teenagers often hit out at the people they most love and trust – not because they hate you but because they feel confused, stressed and uncertain

Remember what it was like to be a teenager. Did you fight; argue with your parents about staying out late and what you wore? It is all part of developing a separate identity

Don't be nosey. Teenagers will clam up if you insist on knowing every detail about their lives. Build up trust and show you respect their privacy and they will tell you more

Where to go for help

Parentline Plus has produced a number of leaflets to help parents with teenagers and to offer support to those who children are yet to enter teenage-hood. The leaflets are available as downloads from Parentline Plus website and also on our website is a very extensive section on parenting teenagers. For further information visit Parentline Plus.