Q: My son has recently turned 14 and has suddenly turned very uncommunicative, shutting himself in his room or spending time with his friends. I've tried to talk to him about this - whenever I can persuade him to switch off his iPod - but he just shrugs his shoulders. What can I do?

Parenting teenagers can be a challenging job and when your sweet child turns into sulky teenager overnight, life can become very difficult for both parents and their children.

When parents and teenagers argue, parents can feel that something has gone terribly wrong or that they have failed as parents. However, the truth is that it is perfectly natural for parents and their children not to see eye to eye during the teenage years, as during this time teenagers are growing up and learning to stand on their own two feet, exploring their own needs and forming their own opinions.

Life can be very stressful for young people; the world has changed since we were teenagers. Young people are under a lot of pressure as they are caught between childhood and adulthood: their bodies are changing, hormones are racing, and they are experiencing pressures from friends and consumer society.

Faced with the demands and protests of a teenager in the throes of adolescence, parents may feel overwhelmed and find themselves drawn into arguments, reacting like teenagers themselves, rather than as parents or adults. Parents need to know they are not alone and that most families go through the same difficulties.

The trick is to keep listening to your son, keeping an open mind, even though he's not saying very much. Also, try to change the way you talk to him. If he only ever hears you nagging, he will stop listening. If you can persuade him to switch his iPod off and chat to you before he goes out or disappears to his room, it can make a real difference. It doesn't have to be a 'big chat': maybe ask his opinion or his advice on something, as this can help to open the channels of communication.

Decide when to stand firm, when to negotiate, when to let go. And every now and then, let him know you are always there for him, no matter what the problem.

Resist the temptation to be nosey. Teenagers clam up if you insist on knowing every detail about their lives. Build up trust and show you respect his privacy and he will tell you more. He may even come to you for advice.

Although it can be difficult sometimes, try to understand why he may be being difficult and moody. It could be because he can't put his worries into words. Don't take it personally - teenagers need to separate from their parents and, to do so, will often say and do things they know will upset them.

Remember what it was like to be a teenager. Did you argue with your parents about staying out late and what you wore? It's all part of developing a separate identity and the good news is that the vast majority of families come through the teenage years relatively unscathed.

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