Last weekend, I finally took down a photograph from my bedroom wall. In it were three women laughing under the Eiffel Tower, with their arms draped around each other: me and two of my closest friends at that time, Sam and Laura.

The good old days
During our twenties, those two were a kind of surrogate family for me. When I broke things off with my long-distance boyfriend, it was Laura who met me off the train and held me while I cried. And the time another man broke my heart, it was those two who arrived with wine and black humour to camp out in my flat for the weekend.

We didn't live in each other's pockets, but we shared the triumphs and traumas of our everyday lives and kept each other's secrets. (At least I hope they've kept the secret about the TV presenter with the 'chippolata'). Yet five years after that picture was taken, I've pretty much lost touch with both of them. Somehow, as I drifted closer to marriage, I drifted further away from them.

How deep is your friendship?
'It happens often, despite best intentions,' says psychologist Dorothy Rowe, author of Friends and Enemies (Harper Collins). 'You might believe you're close, but when one of you gets into a long-term relationship, you lose common interests which actually kept the relationship going. You're no longer sharing those traumas of first dates and unreliable men. The friend who's in a relationship suddenly has a whole new set of interests, her relationship, moving in, getting married. It really tests how deep the friendship is.'

It's certainly true on my nights out with single friends even now. Those of us in the couple camp bore the singletons with our chat about DIY and how much sex we should be having. They in turn perplex us with indepth analysis on 'the hidden meaning of his text messages'.

Saturday night meltdown
And it's not just conversation topics which clash but also your social agenda, as Ella Kennedy, 32 an IT technician discovered. 'Ever since I got married last year, things have been tense between my single friend Sally and I. When I was single I'd go to any club because there was always the chance I might meet a man. But now I prefer to stick to places where it's a bit laid back and I like the music. She tells me I'm boring.'

There is also of course the fact that when you fall in love, those 'Oh My God I might be sacked' crisis meetings and morning-after-the-scandal phone catch ups become a bit redundant, for the simple reason that you've got a brand new confidante in your boyfriend. Which perhaps brings us to real reason friends drift apart when love comes to call. Envy.

When jealousy come to call
Says Emily Cunningham, 36, a journalist: 'When my husband Tom came on the scene, one particular friend found it hard to handle. She used to call him my stalker (as a joke) because he'd ring several times a day and want to meet up every night. A near-the-knuckle-chuckle if ever there was one.' But though friendships can perhaps survive a new man on the scene, a new baby is another matter.

'Women think they won't get totally wrapped up in their baby,' says Rowe. 'But they always do. And as well as not having free time or being able to go out, the baby becomes the total focus of all their attention. It can be really hard to feel you have anything in common with a single friend because your whole sense of identity shifts dramatically.'

Baby blues
When I eventually emerged from the fog of sleep deprivation that is early motherhood, I found it incredibly difficult to focus on enjoying a 'girls' night out with single friends. I'd start off well enough, listening to their stories of work gossip and new dates, but when your whole world has shifted on its axis, it's incredibly hard to venture back into the old one and pretend that nothing has happened. Yet you give in to the urge to wax lyrical about your new baby at your peril.

Emily agrees. 'Becoming a mum stirs up a lot of issues for friends and it tends to come out when they've had a sherry or two. Last New Years Eve, I was three months pregnant, sober and all night my single friends kept saying 'ha ha your life is over now' 'it's downhill from now on' 'nappies and sleepless nights' etc. God it was draggy!'

Forever friends?
So is there any hope for us 'smug marrieds' to stay genuinely close to our singleton friends? 'It is really difficult,' admits Rowe, 'But if you really matter to each other, you can find a way, even if it's the odd text or email once in a while to say you're thinking of each other. You just need to both find a little generosity of spirit, and be patient while you go through phases of change.'No-one should treat their friendships lightly, we should look after them.'

Perhaps it's an omen that I've just come across Laura's name in a magazine she's started working for. I think it's time to send a long overdue email.

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