How do you maintain a good sex life when you've had kids? Ask any parent and they'll tell you - with difficulty!
Being a parent is so full-on that, for many of us, there simply aren't enough hours in the day, let alone moments of feeling sexy, to also look after the love-making side of things. For me, it can sometimes feel like yet another duty that I have to perform, when I would kill for a good night's (uninterrupted) sleep instead.
But if you don't put in the effort, your relationship with your partner is guaranteed to suffer. With sex, it's a case of – use it, or lose it. And what you'll lose is intimacy, that special closeness you shared with the man you fell in love with. So what can you do to maintain a healthy sex life, while also juggling being a mum, having a career, running a home, and trying to find a bit of time to yourself?
Put some time and energy into to creating a romantic atmosphere and soon you'll be tearing each other's clothes off
I was once told that the secret is Vaseline. Not for lubrication, but to smear on the bedroom door handle to keep the kids out! My friend Jane has more practical advice: 'My son always had quite a good nap so, at weekends in particular, we had time for sex, plus a bit of a snooze and then some lunch too. Very civilised! Then he turned two, and gave up his naps.' Another friend, Angie, agrees that sex is easier while the kids are young. 'Ideally, it's better if they're not in the same room, but if they're young enough, it's amazing how discreet you can be under the sheets (spooning position least obvious) while holding a conversation about Noddy with your toddler.' Jane's are way beyond the Noddy stage now, so – 'We dump them on the grandparents and go away for the weekend, or even stay at home, just the two of us. It's much easier to be in the mood if you haven't spent all day being mummy.'
Mandy is brutally honest: 'Sex at bedtime – what's that? We're far too tired and often half-sozzled. It's got to be weekend mornings only – keep it swift, door shut and bedclothes on. Encourage lots of early morning TV and Play Station, and train the kids to make their own breakfast while mummy and daddy have a 'lie in'. If they won't co-operate, she has a final tip: 'Invest in a vibrator to save time and energy!'
Make a date
It sounds clinical, but you may have to schedule sex into your diary. So be proactive about making time for yourselves. Encourage your kids to go on sleep-overs at their friends, once they are old enough. Once a week, book a babysitter and have a night out. Get the kids to bed and have a child-free evening meal, where you get dressed up and flirt as if you're meeting for the first time. It takes time and energy to create a romantic atmosphere but, before you know it, you'll be tearing each other's clothes off.
